the gargoyles
When I first moved to Ithaca, NY in 2014 I read in a self-help-seeking-meaning-type book that when a person is walking along the yellow brick road of life…there are gargoyles that guard the gates of transition…transitions of growth…transmutations...sheddings of old skin…the gargoyles sit at the gates and heckle you…to make sure you’re serious…to push your edges…so you can expand…
In 2016 I spent some time working and living at The Zen Center here in Ithaca…the monk who runs the place was giving his nightly dharma talk...a sermon of sorts about life and all of its tomfoolery…I raised my hand during his talk about judgement… “but seriously”…I asked…”how can you stop yourself in the face of judgement…when you notice yourself almost automatically judging others or situations based on ego and learned patterning”…he replied, “when the harmful thoughts come…welcome them…say to them.. ‘you are home’…because when something annoys or challenges you…you want to get rid of it…but if you welcome it…feel it...make friends with it…invite it to tea…and then you no longer need to get rid of it…it can’t bother you.”
Turns out this is tricky…as I made the gargoyles…a little bit terrifying…a little bit cute…I learned to try and make friends with them…sort of…still learning…they are sneaky little snakes and will snatch your pen from your hands and begin re-writing old patterns into your storyline…old stories of fear…judgement…jealousy…guilt…self-doubt…but somehow seeing them helps…to know it is them writing the story…to feel them doing it…mostly it feels like shit...or…they are so sneaky that sometimes it can feel good…like gossip or anger…like binging…like numbing…like the deliciously yucky comfort of a rut…and then the trick seems to be to try and distract them…invite them to the party…invite them to dance…feel them…then confidently take back the pen and re-write the new story…to write oneself a new story…that passes through the gates of transmutation and farther along the spiraling path of growth…
In gratitude…and with deep, humble bows to all the gargoyles…yours and mine…of sickness and death…of cancer and war…of loneliness and loss…of heart break and hate…of abuse and addiction…of segregation and injustice…and to all the gargoyles we’ve yet to meet…may we befriend them in balance…